Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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