is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize