did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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