So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
