I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
