textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
