If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
