you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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