hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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