I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
