Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
