he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
soo... how was my night?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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