i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize