the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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