discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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