You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
