i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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