Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
