Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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