Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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