whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
