Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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