DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
