Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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