I haven't been this sober since birth.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize