My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
