just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
