Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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