what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think my vagina is haunted
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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