I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
