Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
