really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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