Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
COCAINE IS GR8
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
