the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
