with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
