Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
