toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
