all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
