Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
