I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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