The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Someone came in the potted fern
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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