Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
