i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
