Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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