Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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