did you get engaged???
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
