I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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