i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Someone signed my nipple.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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