lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
