Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
