I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize