Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize