my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
