dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's always time for handjobs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize