bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
