doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
