I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
