no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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