Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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