she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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