mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
