Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
