I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize