oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
