none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Be still, my beating vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
