we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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