He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
