i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
