Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize