You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
