I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
